and a year has gone by...

Well I've been pretty shit on this page all told, haven't I. To be honest, partly it's been the hassle of the blog moving to google add addresses, which I only got recently, and you had to go through the rigmarole of getting about five emails and retyping in passwords etc. And, well, I'm lazy. And also - a lot has been going on.

To bring you up to date, since last May, Greg and I have moved to Battersea, are expecting a baby in all of three weeks and got engaged just after Christmas! I'm in a completely different and unexpected place to what I was this time last year; I could never have predicted it all, but I guess that's part of the fun of life. I just feel "serene" which admittedly will take away from some of the acidity of this blog. But I'm sure not entirely :)

When I found out I was pregnant I totally freaked out. Burst into tears. I just felt I wasn't ready on so many levels to be a Mum! I've never been particularly maternal, and actually questioned whether I ever wanted children on more than one occasion. It was just after my 30th too, when I got absolutely royally sh*t faced and was vomiting for three days afterwards (the first clue!) But because Greg is who he is, I realised that everything would fall into place, because the only thing I'm sure of is that I want to be with him - everything else is secondary to that. Having children with him had crossed my mind i.e. from being quite anti-children I'd surprised myself by thinking that it wouldn't be such an unappealing propspect if it were with Greg. But for it to happen when it did - a shock - me and weekends away and wine pretty much meant that the Pill wasn't being its most reliable, mostly because I hadn't taken it regimentally and daily! So the past eight months have been demanding and have often taken their toll on me physically and emotionally, but thanks to Greg I do feel like I can finally do this, and we can do it together. He was born to be a dad. In all honesty when I feel this baby move inside me now and think of who is the dad, I can't believe my luck. I feel as though things could not be better. All these cliches that used to make me roll my eyes - well now I will eat my words because until you experience what this feels like, you can't know the intensity of it. To have a baby with someone you love, to literally have made someone together who you are going to commit yourself to for the rest of your life.. it's overwhelming and it's still something I'm trying to fathom. Every time I think of Greg holding our baby for the first time I cry. And every time I think of him asking me to marry him it's the same.

So. I am no longer quite as, well, generally pissed off with things as I was a year ago. Don't get me wrong, just because everything has gone right for me recently, it doesn't mean that I don't get easily irritated by tube commuters (esp. being pregnant!), call centre workers and generally anyone who seems to gain pleasure from agitating those around them, but I just wanted to spread the word that I can be positive now and then. The voice of discontent regarding the grind of daily life will be back before too long, I promise :)